RELEASE: F E B R U A R Y | 22
It could be remedial. Or just the opposite. Some people love it—crave it. I can’t think of anything worse. At least, when I’m not high. The silence sets free the voices inside my head and there’s no place more dangerous than living in the abyss of my own mind.
And now is no exception.
The walls are caving in around us. The air, dwindling. Roamyn’s living room has never felt smaller than what it does in this defining moment where silence has become the only thing separating us. The only thing keeping our worlds intact before one of us loses all patience and the ability to think clearly through the lust induced haze we’ve been swimming in for far too long.
One word. A movement. A look. Is all it will take to change everything and nothing all at the same time because it’s always been Roamyn for me. He runs as deep as the scars etched into my skin and blood in my veins. Once he’s wrapped around me, on top of me, inside of me, I’ll never be able to ever let him go. Which is why my fingers are squeezing the counter so hard my knuckles are turning white and why my mind is screaming at me with every possible reason why being here with him now is the worst idea I’ve ever had. Angry hazel eyes pin me down. Roamyn’s broad chest rises and falls fast as he stands with his hands clenched into fists at his sides, Hulk-like in all his muscled glory. Wide shoulders tower over me, even from a distance. His presence fills the room and steals my breath.
A shudder rolls through me at the gruff sound of his voice. When he says my name it’s like nothing else. I close my eyes and let it soothe me in a way only he’s capable of doing. Off balance, still imagining his face behind my eyes, words fall from my mouth without thought. “Thanks for letting me stay over tonight. I’m exhausted, though.” I reopen my eyes and point to the lounge taking up most of the living room. “I think I’m just gonna go to sleep.”
A few giant footsteps in my direction and Roamyn’s all but a touch in front of me.
Nerves swallow my words and I gulp, my throat bobbing with the movement. His frown deepens, jaw ticks. Hands slide to the back of my neck, pulling me in before I can stop him from getting dangerously close. My body stiffens at the firmness of his touch. Pleasure spirals through every crevice of my body because this is heaven and hell. Pleasure and torture. Familiarity. This is Roamyn. Strong and firm. Always.
He lowers his head to mine, so close I feel his breath warm my face. “I nearly lost you today, babe. Are you really gonna pretend after the day we had… after the past seven fuckin’ years of this… us.” He gives my neck a gentle squeeze. “That you don’t want to know what it would feel like to have my lips kissing your skin? My cock deep inside of you while I give you everything I should have a long time ago?”
His words become whispers of truth in my ear. I do want it. I’ve wanted it since I was fifteen years old. Warmth trails against my skin as Roamyn’s nose caresses my cheek before bringing his face back to mine.
“I want to feel you, Ali. I want to feel us together just once before you shut me out.”
My chest tightens at the pain cutting through the last of his words. He knows. He knows I’m about to close the door on every moment, every laugh, every crazy second we’ve shared together. I can’t move forward with him holding my hand, not anymore. And I can’t fall back to an addiction I won’t escape twice. And I will fall, I’ll fall because I’m still too weak for him. I’m walking a tightrope and one small slip in the wrong direction will send me crashing down. Because I’m powerless against Roamyn Tate and the hold he has over me.
He’s my heart.
He’ll be my undoing.
This is how it has to be. At least for now. On my own. Fighting for myself. Dependent on no one because if I were to lose him now, I’ll lose myself too. I can’t be dependent on him to give me a reason for living. I need to be enough, for me. But maybe, just once, for one night, could we forget about everything else and just give in. We can forget about the past, ignore the future and bask in a moment we’ll spend forever chasing.
I bite the inside of my cheek. What am I thinking? I’m not strong enough for just once and our hearts will always want more.
My lips part and heavy breaths fall through my small voice. “One time will never be enough. We both know that.”
His eyes soften. His other arm comes up where he cups my cheek. “You’re right. But I’m hoping once is all it’ll take to make you realize no matter what, we’re always better together than we are apart.”
His hope weighs me down. How can he possibly believe that? We’re chaos and crashes, not roses and happiness.
“We’ve been a lot of things, Roam. But together isn’t one of them.”
I lower my head thinking how time has changed everything.
Years of hearing his smooth voice lift me up and pull me down.
Years of accidental touches, stolen glances, and forbidden feelings.
I fought against us.
He fought for the both of us.
He pulled away.
I pushed back.
We’re a mess. Reckless. Beautiful. Destructive, and I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.
The last of my resolve peels away with the what ifs, maybes and my shameful lack of self-preservation. God, I’m a masochist.
Roamyn lifts my chin, giving me no choice but to look at him. To face what I’ve just allowed to happen.
His hands glide down my sides, firm and slow. Reaching my hips, they splay around my ass. Wetness pools between my thighs and my eyes close, breathing in his touch, his scent, the uneven strumming of my heart. I want to capture every piece of this moment and lock it away, somewhere deep, hidden. Where I can treasure it forever. Roamyn pulls me against him and my hands fly to his hard chest. We’re nose to nose. Lips barely apart. Bodies molding to one when he rolls his hips forward, his hardness thrusting up against me. An inferno rages in my core. Light moans fall from my lips, spurring on my hands that are now gripping his thick, muscled arms. My breathing, needy. My body, anxious.
His hands loosen around my ass and glide under my top, all the way up to my breasts where he pulls the cups back and grazes my nipples. He rubs over the tight buds and a shiver shoots up my spine. I arch my back into him and he kisses my shoulders, my neck, across my cheek, trying to bring us impossibly closer. His thigh meshes between my legs and I grind against him, all inhibitions gone. I bite down on my lip to hold in everything I want to say but know I shouldn’t. And somehow he knows, I can see it in his frown, those eyebrows all drawn in. His square jaw, tight with anticipation, just waiting for me to come to my senses and put a stop to this. But his hungry almond eyes contradict every other feeling. Lust swirls behind them and the look, one I’m so familiar with, one I’ve committed to memory stares back at me with as much fire inside his eyes as I feel coursing through my body.
A minute passes, or maybe it’s seconds. “Good. Because I’ve waited far too fucking long to do this.”
All air escapes me as his face descends on mine. His lips conceal any coherent response. Our tongues tangle with unrelenting need. Fingers twirl through my hair until Roamyn knots it in his hand followed by a gentle tug. The pull spikes excitement and goosebumps coat my skin as he brushes light kisses against my exposed throat.
Lust. Love. Excitement. Years of the most torturous foreplay explodes from both of us as we tear at each other’s clothes. As my fingers claw at his back. As our world’s shift from one dimension to the next because nothing, nothing has ever felt like this. It’s all consuming—electric. Seven years in the making. A night I’ll never forget.
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